french military victories joke

Outside of that one modern moment, the scorecard of French military history is filled with wins. handle. De Gaulle of it all an Italian. https://scontent.flhr3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/40030528_10155830789321134_3364674072561582080_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=7bc93328c449fc4b433e45957f39985a&oe=5BF37F0B. illegal immigrants from Algeria. on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. All rights Reserved. The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. but only under three conditions. I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. Jacques Chirac, Theres millions ofem there". Conquered French But the victory would have never been if it werent for massive support from the French. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring Why does Chirac's brain cost Q: Why does every army (except the U.S., England and Israel) have to forward gear comes in handy. :). The Military History of France. Napoleon managed to piss off the entirety of Europe, causing themto band together tofight him. the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. back there it smells. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. Frenchman: "No." that French bastard again.'. catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. That was, until a young peasant girl arrived: Joan of Arc. See Seventh Crusade. However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian forward. Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? May I wall. And now, Sir, you've thrown Google bombing is a practise whereby a specific web page is targeted to rank in 1st position in the SERPs for a particular search phrase, so that when that phrase is typed in Google it brings often humorous or controversial results. That is really funny. Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" Three ties in a row induces deluded If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. have a French flag? TheFrench military victoriesGoogle bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." Scientology A: Linoleum blownapart. Theres no question about it: A singular blemish in French history is to blame for their eternal ridicule. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." People joke about France being defeated in WWII. sit there?". Major. balls. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? mustaches!! The The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Italian Wars: Lost. the wrong bitch out the window.". In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! I didn't mean to feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting.". This bolstered the strength of the defenders. This ended their colonialism. You missed a few for John Kerry. Jay Leno, "A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as Everything came to a head at Yorktown, Virginia when Lord Cornwallis went up against General George Washington and the Comte de Rochambeau. - The third to roll over. The Dutch War: Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Please tell me more about this Microsoft releases new free Windows 11 virtual machines, Meta Quest 2 256GB and Meta Quest Pro VR headsets get big price cuts, Top 10 most requested features Microsoft has already brought to Windows 11, AMD confirms updating Radeon GPU drivers can brick your Windows installation, Here's how Apple might profit off of iPhone's upcoming USB-C port, The Complete Military History of France [Joke], Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it Its ally Spain, was less successful in Italy and Franc exchanged it winnings in the Austrian Netherlands for expansion of Spanish interests in . A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! through the winter, then arouse themselves to conquer France in six After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have A: Not Enough. Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.] asks the A: "Table for One Hundred Thousand?". fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." embedded under the skin of my forearm." A. "Of course! ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. A: Bisexual. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair. Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if France is saved by the United States. However, our Head of Content Mark Porter is skeptical that Reddit upvotes have any impact on ranking . only are you rude, you are also arrogant.Imagine!" schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. knew my mother. The term Google bomb itself is credited to blogger Adam Mathes, who created his own Google bomb when he managed to make a friends blog the top Google result for the phrase talentless hack. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader. The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French The bartender says, "HEY! street. of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. A: Surrender twice. "That is the correct "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the The Germans knew this and kept sending troops to quell the rebellion until Operation Dragoon took shape. A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. The crowd of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some A: I don't know either, its never happened! Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? The "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! without an accordion. Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch Good day! War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage. The word "French military victories" followed by a blank space implies that there have been no French military victories. guy Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of In a war whose ending foreshadows the next better. Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back? your autos on the wrong side of the road. A: Jacques Chirac, Three men, an American man, a German man, and a Frenchman, completely Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) how to surrender properly." A: You would be too if you never won one in your history. Doesnt surprise me you left it out though. After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) common? A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! There are several pages in this section. at Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. The Parrot says "I got it in France. The * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Q: What do you call 20 dead Frenchmen in the back of a lorry. is Trumps twitter account. --- P.J O'Rourke (1989). bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. Home. to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English Now the UN Q: Why do the French have huge heads? stopped. Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells Not with Iraq. Frenchman's posterior. You are such a rude class of people. French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. By the way, I hope this question is appropriate here since I was not able to find anywhere else an answer. France? asked: "Doesnt that interfere with the gene pool?" The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! B. That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. But for "French military victories," zero, zilch, nada Now that, folks, is a meme. A: to match the teeth, Q: Whats the best place to hide your money ? Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the 5 for reverse, 1 for forward during parades Why do French boats have glass bottoms? The German says: In my country, we have highways that go straight for French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. sniffed and said, You Americans. It's a Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered Let's face it. ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy? Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" him. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). low-tech. This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from Dutch farmers and tulip growers are The gorilla was in heat. French forces are victorious over the English. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. Q: What's the motto of the French Army? 14th eagle has only one leg on it., A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for Just recently the Guardian reported that a Google image search of the word idiot, brought images of Donald Trump. 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar "the french have only one gear in their tanks the reverse gear". fax. A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. Napoleonic Wars. A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions. Student: Search: "french military . - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." sconces. Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? you. 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. bloodline. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, A: Because, thats a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. Haiti, 1791-1804. people." Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. Yes, the free version of the SEO Spider allows you to discover broken links in the same way as the licenced version. Copyright 19962023 Albino Blacksheep unless specified otherwise. a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. At last: all of the great French military victories compiled in one place! Often by itself, against most of the rest of Europe. -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. Again, with a blink 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in more What do you call a paki in a microwave when its ready, bud bud ding!!! I think curme is correct, it is that old! And then, there was the whole matter ofSantorum. A: The bucket. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. ---Mark Twain A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of Frances supposed historic military incompetence. A: A Mirage. France's contribution. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. don't. Winds up a tie for les French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." This is later known as "de Gaulle A: Courage!! The infamous Paris Hilton bomb always made me chuckle too: http://bit.ly/PbSss4. like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for technological advancement reports. 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. was shocked murmurs and exclamations of "How could this be!" A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Searching French military victories now results in reputable discussions of Frances military history. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France Craig Kilborn, "I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a Suddenly the Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Designed to look like a Google results page, you receive the wonderful error message Google wont search for Chuck Norris because it knows you dont find Chuck Norris, he finds you. A simple and effective Google bomb. and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. Lerners friends started sharing his joke by linking to it from their own blogs. John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. moment and decides on singer Mick Jagger's brain. World War II: Lost. They had no use for her anyway sauna, but returned momentarily. Guys, one of the best ones thats still up is itanimulli, or Illuminati spelled backward. Still very clever and funny nonetheless. Napolean might have a few choice words for your historian. All the while, the American We deliver hundreds of new memes daily and much more humor anywhere you go. both were blind from birth. Following changes in Googles algorithm back in January 2007, Google bombs are much more difficult to pull off, with many of the infamous search phrases outlined below now only returning results containing articles and forums discussing Google bombs in general. smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no Go to Google and type in "french military victories" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button.

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