we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? Having read some of the (ahem) well-reasoned responses to my post (and your response), I realize the interwebs are probably not the best place to argue the merits of paternity law. And oxygen. Dont like the consequences? If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. If the woman is not required to support a child But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. Documents were drawn up by said lawyers. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). April 10, 2012, 7:31 pm. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. Privacy Policy. Still, if I were the LW and I saw my newly reunited BF acting this way about his soon to be born child, Id get the heck out of there. 6napkinburger In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. I think that is a pretty bad guess with how this guys attitude is towards things, and how badley he wants nothing to do with the child. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. Hes a scumbag and your only choices are (1) say so now and be rid of him, or (2) wait 5 or 10 years and say Why didnt I see this 5 or 10 years ago? By then you may be after him for child support yourself, and good luck with that therell be at least one in line ahead of you every payday. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. That is how we got our first kid. Its only when a baby is involved is when men come to their senses and then have so much things to say like I didnt mean to hurt you, I barely knew her, or the famous line I was drunk. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. Share your opinions and thoughts below! And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. He could've at least waited a week after coming back! This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. They should be used. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. So, in other words, men should only have oral sex no, wait, not even that, because the STD risk remains but that women can have all the se they want, because they have the option of aborting a resulting pregnancy? he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. How on earth do you propose to make any of this even for everybody, including the child? SweetsAndBeats having sex with someone you dont know that well. Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! =), lets_be_honest This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. Actions have consequences. Because guess what? Dee S. Advocate -Wants nothing to do with his own child. He was broken up with her at that time, and had no agreement that they would get together in the future. Okay, Tim. Which brings me to my question for LW: You say your boyfriend is 40 years old, but how old are YOU? According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. Everyone is in charge of their own decisions. And you dont sound much better. submandave Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? Probably a creationist, from what you know about biological science. Healthy relationships don't come from a situation like this.. They dont want to have spirited logical debate, they want to vent and lash out at people. I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! He probably knows shell be a lousy mother. We dont even know that this other woman told the bf that she is pregnant. He did help create it. We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Chuck Pelto Anytime you have sex, theres a chance you could get pregnant, no matter how careful you are. Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. Its 100% ok if you cant or dont want to be in that situation. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? lets_be_honest Changing the facts and then arguing them is just as useless as creating facts and arguing those whether you admit to it or not. reader, marissa0916+, writes (26 August 2015): A Dont force him to be. 1. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. Run as if your life depends on it because it does. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. Oh, really? But, they both had lawyers. You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. I dont care. Its just biological fact- unfair probably, but not something we can change. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape. His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. 2. Its not some windfall for women. Problem. landygirl. This is always the risk and Id wager 2% of people or less would actually take the time to ask anything about a potential pregancy before the stick gets dipped, My personal philosophy due to the current legal malarky is I need to know their standing on what happens if contraceptives fail and, if they would keep the child, is the person somebody I could see myself staying withboth of those things usually require me to know someone longer than 2 mins., Not JUST due to the legal malarky..I was too focused on getting that word in. If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. Its crazy how much abject hatred there is out there. He made his position very clear very early on. Youre wrong. Addie Pray They probably hang out for a few weeks more, she kind of gets on his nerves for whatever reason and starts to bug the shit out of him. Comparing your own experience to other people's. If you and your partner don't feel like you're getting the love you deserve, one of you could cheat. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. If the woman wants to have a child, then she can, but thats a decision she makes because its happening in her own body. I feel no connection to my biological siblings, even though they desire a relationship with me. (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). Not your wallet, not your choice. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. Happens all the time. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. As others have said, arguably this is more denial and shock than actual fury. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. iseeshiny Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. I think theyre unfair in the same way that I feel its unfair to prevent women from having abortions, but thatss beside the point. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right? Posted on June 29, 2022 in gabriela rose reagan. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? April 9, 2012, 9:23 pm. We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. Your Turn: "He Got Another Woman Pregnant While We Were on a Break!" Why does anyone think they have a say in whether a woman aborts or keeps her child? To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A April 9, 2012, 5:24 pm, The mention of being logical for some reason made me think of the whole idea of true abandonment. The guy I liked got another girl pregnant. What should I do? Oh, and I really dislike when every accidental pregnancy letter we get on here because a huge fest for people throwing around you were too stupid to use a condom or you didnt try to prevent pregnancy at all, when we really have NO information regarding what precautions they did or did not take. I agree people who are dysfunctional should not stay together for the sake of the kid it will just make things worse. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. Because thats really not that old. I dont feel anyone should be forced to be a part of a childs life. Welcome to adulthood. Hes scum all around in my book. female One common definition: a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. Story. The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. So tough shit. April 12, 2012, 2:47 am. bittergaymark I kept waiting for someone to say this. Steve Kellmeyer It takes two to make a baby. Sleeping with someone so soon after a breakup? 2. slept with someone else. April 9, 2012, 9:16 pm. reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. Because of my family not being to fond of him we broke it off and i was depressed for along time. Furthest from the vagina, just saying. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. Heres a thought experiment for you: She refused to listen. Actually no. LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? A condoms like 50 cents. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Dear Bossip: We Broke Up And He Got Another Woman Pregnant OH MY GOD!! Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! As for not wanting anything to do with her or her child, Im guessing that is momentary anger directed at her, not the child. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? just like anyone else we were shocked given i was on bc & for me abortion/adoption was just out of the question . Flexxie Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! Francine we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. Or that the person youve known for two minutes and are now having sex with is being honest with you about anything. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark lets_be_honest Come on! It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. He is doing alot better. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. Yeah, Im with you, pretty much on all counts. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. Because she accidentally got pregnant with his child? Think of the children. The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. I really only mean exactly what I said. I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! This is so hard for me. This guy, you can most definitely live without. My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. I just dont see why thats ok but its not ok for the guy to essentially do the same thing but then have to pay. He is also probably telling all sorts of lies to keep the LW with him. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? Yes, he had unprotected sex. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. He Won't Leave Her: 5 Harsh Truths 'The Other Woman' Must Face Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. So deal with that. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? iseeshiny Its because of biology, and a legal system that puts the interests of the child above the interests of the parent. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. No one called him a criminal. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. Which is not true. hamster van beethoven I completely agree. -Is furious with her for keeping her baby Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, LW? Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. Does that change the situation as all? Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. One does not need to hate women to find inherent unfairness in current laws. Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. I weep for the younger folks out there. unfortunately, ive seen more than one person take pills the wrong way (whether it be because they forget, dont take it at exactly the same time, dont pay attention to warnings about drug interactions, etc). Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. Hes an idiot either way. Going through a breakup can be tough.It can leave you feeling restless and struggling to fill the white space left behind by the relationship. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. Chuck(le) August 24, 2019, 2:54 pm. Fyrebyrd2 hi there! But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! You do know that birth control isnt 100% effective, right? iseeshiny The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me way back in the day was Listen. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. April 9, 2012, 5:19 pm, Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. from the letter: lets_be_honest thats just dumb. Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. BTW, believe it or not, I usually agree with the majority of the commenters here. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. Your welcome. He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. John Rohan BTW, has he heard about condoms?? Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. If you loved him, you wouldn't toss the relationship. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. Bless This Mess. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. bittergaymark And, yes, he should be taking precautions against STDs because even if he never gets back with the LW, is he going to remain celibate for the rest of his life?

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